After The Storm

We all speak the same universal language of emotion. Whether it’s a short or long term relationship, when it ends we either feel like a huge rock has been lifted from our shoulders or deeply hurt because we didn’t anticipate it. Regardless of the reason, there is still a void in our hearts and a rollercoaster of emotions that takes place. There is no manual to advise us on how we move on or what to feel but what is a fact is that in time the heart does go on!!!

We

  • hurt
  • are broken hearted
  • feel guilt
  • regret
  • think it will never get better
  • are disappointed
  • question the relationship
  • are devastated
  • carry a heaviness in our hearts
  • feel like it’s unbearable pain
  • self doubt
  • cry
  • get angry
  • get sad
  • get drunk
  • drunk text
  • shut down
  • lie to ourselves to provide comfort
  • dwell
  • reminisce
  • listen to music
  • talk bad about the person
  • can’t stop talking about the person
  • write our feelings down
  • vent to our friends
  • become insecure
  • think we will never find love
  • replay the end over and over
  • think of ways to fix it
  • pretend to be robots
  • become heartless
  • sense of relief

Guess what?? In time,

  • our heavy hearts heal
  • we survive
  • we refocus
  • we are grateful
  • we smile
  • we regain happiness
  • we become stronger
  • we moved on

In the end we shed the armor suit that we are accustomed to wearing and open ourselves to love.

Welcome LOVE, and love deeply, passionately and most importantly genuinely.

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Art of Kissing

By no means am I the perfect kisser, but I consider my self to be in the major leagues.  I don’t think any of us are born with this talent.  One perfects their technique and hopes that if you suck at it somebody gently helps you through it.  And your probably asking how do I know I’m any good if I’ve never kissed myself?….Well I’ve been told I’m “aight”.  So how important is kissing?  Is it wrong to kiss on the first date?  When is the right time to kiss?

For me kissing has always been important. It’s my indicator to know whether I want to drop it like it’s hot or give him the peace sign.  It also gives me a sneak peek to see if we have chemistry on different levels.  Don’t get me wrong this is not my only requirement to continue to date someone or even have as a boyfriend.  I do take into account that first kisses are usually awkward and may be deceptive. Some may not be that good at it but have a heart of gold, others are like magicians and do exactly just that, disappear.  Once I start to think about it, I come up with standard questions: Is he going to make the first move?  Am I drunk enough to do it?  Which direction is he going?  Did we eat garlic?  Which is why I tend not to think about it and hope that I’m surprised and if it’s the right timing I’ll go with the flow. Eventually, it just happens and you walk away with a devious smile or a disgusted feeling.

In my prime time, as long as I was attracted to the guy I would just want to tongue him down.  Fast forward to the present and now I like to save the kissing phase for a little later.  I say later because I don’t know if there is such a thing as the right time for a kiss, in my case I want the guy to make the first move…when stars and the moon are aligned.  I don’t think kissing on the first date is wrong but for me I already have a hard time going on a second date, so why am I even going to do it to myself or leave him wanting more.  I’m no prude, on occasions I’ve made bad decisions and exceptions but to my defense they were alcohol induced.  You know that old phrase, “leave a little to the imagination”…well that’s what kissing does for me.  I get excited not knowing when it will happen or if it will be any good.

What happens when the guy doesn’t kiss your style but at the same time he isn’t awful at it?  In my opinion, If you aren’t grossed out then he has potential.  I once told a guy jokingly, “more tongue please”.  It then became our own little joke but he got what I was saying without me being mean and hurtful.  I’ve dealt with another guy who straight out told me “I’m not into kissing”.  I looked at him like he was Medusa and of course I ignored him and went for the kill since I knew he would never make the move.  All I kept thinking was where the hell is his tongue? I made it my mission to get him to enjoy the art kissing.  To make it fun, we played a game of hide and seek and then I bluntly asked him to show me his tongue.  He laughed and said I have a short tongue.  I wanted to stretch it out of his mouth but that would of been weird.  All in all the kissing got better, it wasn’t fantastic but needless to say I stayed with him for a year. See, I do make exceptions!

The art of kissing is composed of many different styles and techniques or whatever you want to call them.  I’ve come up with my own customized list and my favorite has to be what I call, passionate kissing. It’s the type of kiss that will make you quickly lower your inhibitions and forget any rules you may have bestowed upon him.  If the guy doesn’t want a relationship, abort, abort (unless your on the same page as him).  Men that are really good with passionate kissing, know what they are doing and lure you with their kisses. Before you know it, the passionate kiss turns into the rip your clothes off kiss which ultimately leads to the panty dropper kiss. Be forewarned, you may end up with only your bare essentials on your back!!!  I can’t possibly go into all forms of kissing but here are a few others that I’ve encountered and some are like McDonald’s combo meal, mix and match:

  • Overbearing kiss – the can you give the girl some time to catch her breath
  • Slobbering/Drooling/Salivating kiss – gross, nobody needs more than your own saliva
  • French kiss – aka tongue down, do old people still use tongue?
  • Swallow kiss – this is not the below the waist kiss, its when it feels like your face is being swallowed in its entirety
  • Shy kiss – the I know I’m supposed to do this you but no clue what to do
  • Teeth banging kiss – the no matter which direction you go, teeth are always clashing
  • Lizard kiss – self explanatory, google a lizard
  • OCD kiss – the I don’t like to kiss but make exceptions for birthdays and holidays
  • Porno/Sex kiss – the I don’t care what I do kiss as long as I land you
  • Relationship kiss – sweet, gentle, tap, pecks any where
  • Drunk and love kiss – my version of passionate kissing but with a lot of alcohol

That’s it folks!!! Share your encounters with kissing!!

Mommy Issues

At what point is the line crossed when a man is super close to their mother? My friends and family say that when a man helps and cares for the well being of their mom or family, that it’s a good indication that they will treat their significant other the same way. I thought this was also true until I encountered men with this passion for their mom.

The men I’ve dated in the past have all had different reasons for being there for their mom and it is usually because father/husband is no longer in the picture. I had a boyfriend who put his mom and sister on a pedestal. He would do anything for them. However, he treated his ex girlfriends like garbage. Although he took care of me, his way of showing it was twisted. Next, was a man that moved in with his mother after his dad passed away. When he told me the story, I just said to myself what an admirable thing to do. He must be a good man, future husband material but I was wrong. I don’t know what it was but he was deathly afraid of commitment.

Recently, my last encounter was on a date. Half way into the date, he said “I might as well tell you now.” I looked stunned and said “oh boy here we go.” He begins by saying my mother lives with me. Then re-emphasized that he didn’t live with his mother and that the mother moved in with him. He proceeded to state that he took his mother in after a bad divorce. After that point he disclosed additional information such as, “I was like her boyfriend for a long period of time, it’s hard to find anyone that will understand this situation, it’s only temporary”. None of this bothered me, however I had some mixed feelings about this topic. In the end, I offered to drive him to his car since he had parked further away….as I’m approaching his destination, he says, “can you drop me off at CVS, I need to buy my mom shampoo?” So is this just a momma’s boy or is this mommy issues?

“Coming At Ya Like a Dark Horse”

This is my new favorite song!!! Makes me feel like a beast haha.

Dark Horse” – Katy Perry
 I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything
Of anything and everything

Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy

{chorus}
 So you wanna play with magic?
Boy, you should know what you’re falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
There’s no going back

Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird
Like a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away

It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
It’s a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me
All to me, give it all to me

{chorus}

She’s a beast
I call her Karma (come back)
She eats your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)
Be careful
Try not to lead her on
Shorty’s heart is on steroids
Cause her love is so strong
You may fall in love
When you meet her
If you get the chance you better keep her
She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart
She’ll turn cold as a freezer
That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor
She can be my Sleeping Beauty
I’m gon’ put her in a coma
Woo!
Damn I think I love her
Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care
She ride me like a roller coaster
Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)
Her love is like a drug
I was tryna hit it and quit it
But lil’ mama so dope
I messed around and got addicted

{chorus}

Watch Vid!!

I Get The Best Advice From A Guy!

“Men have thirsty moments”

“Even with a business suit, you can’t deter pervs”

“F***k love, it’s overated”

“Your so hung up on titles, just give him some”

“Your not dating, your in a relationship”

“All they want is something warm and wet with a little heat”

“Marry for money”

“Wait til he buys a house”

“Don’t discount the married ones”

“Why are you single”

“You’ve dated like 100 guys”

“People are leaving you because you
don’t put out”

“It’s all about the magic dust”

“His intention is to land you”

“Every guy has an agenda”

“The problem is you date men with ghetto shaving styles”

“They want to get in your pants”

“You have too many requirements”

“He’s a stand up guy, he lives with his mom”

“Nice guys always finish last”

“Girls strive for drama”

“If there is no drama, you’ll create it”

“He dumped you because you wanted kids”

“When your that hot, you’re allowed to”

“Guys that send flowers are full of s**t”

Disclaimer: By no means do I listen to this advice, If I did I may have a man.

Updated 4/26/14

My One Liners

I’m notorious for having one liners but I never realized I had them until my friends pointed it out to me.  It’s random s**t that I say LOL…so here it goes:

“I’m not dating anyone at this time. I go out on dates from here and there and then I’ll never see them again. I call them one timers.”

“I took a year off to be myself that was on purpose. I don’t know what happened the other two. ”

“You need a slap back to the womb”

“Don’t be blinded by the D”

“I date to find my mate”

“I wish I was stupid because I would have a man”

“Im usually keen on knowing when im being played”

“Can he pretend and at least ask me out on a date instead of trying to land me”

“Stop lying, I’m not your girl no more”

“He stopped calling me, he probably got a girlfriend”

“He made the cut”

“Package watching is fundamental”

“No dates this week, need time to relax”

“You want me to f*** everyone?”

“You know your ex is over you, when your invited to his wedding”

“These aren’t dates, they are called meetings”

“I sounded so well put together with a hint of pathetic”

“I’m meeting someone tomorrow, but he’s definitely not dating material”

“I’m trying hard to find my match, what’s wrong with meeting several men at the same time”

“I’m multitasking…time management is key (when it comes to dating)”

“On the prowl for my mate”

“It’s summer time anyway, men only want girlfriends during winter months so they can get fat”

“Hopefully this guy is good tonight, so I don’t have to blog about it”

Updated 6/17/14