Why Do I Do This Again?

As I mentioned in my about me, I’m limited in my options of how I meet men or maybe I just ran out of ideas.  Currently, I’m doing the online dating thing (don’t ask me name of site) because if it was good I wouldn’t be single.  I have my days that when I log on, I think very positive and say to myself “today will be the day I meet someone normal”.   Then I patiently read profiles and scroll through dozens before my hand starts to go numb or my finger just gets stuck.  There have been few on occasions where I get excited because the “convo” seems to be flowing and they haven’t said anything offensive.  But I also have my bad days, where I don’t know why I’m logging on, when I know I’m only going to read emails that don’t grasp my attention or just profiles that don’t fit what I’m looking for.  I’ve compiled a list of things that are going through my mind on these off days:

  • did he just copy/paste this entire message
  • omg he looks like a killer
  • wow this one doesn’t give up
  • does he not know he sent me this message several times
  • why do all men say they are laid back, does that mean they are always sleeping
  • seriously they don’t know how to use their camera phone
  • why would you put up a picture of a picture that is scanned
  • I hope that’s his sister that he is hugging
  • Is that a wedding band on his finger
  • why does he have pictures from the 80’s
  • why is he not smiling, is he missing teeth
  • a little lower and I can see his pelvic bone
  • they state they work out but by their pictures looks like they don’t
  • default pic is younger looking version than all the rest
  • is there anyone left that doesn’t live in NYC
  • oh gawd please put your shirt back on, I get it you work out
  • if you travel all the time, do you even have a job
  • I’m sharpening up my memorizing skills

Jeepers Creepers

For some reason people who are in relationships all of a sudden seem to be experts on being single. I get advice like, “take your time your still young”…compared to a 50 yr old I might be. “Your too picky”…If I have it together so should he. “Your always finding something wrong before you even meet them”…usually I’m right, they’re weirdos. “In time it will come”…I’ve been waiting for 34 years. “Fast never last, slow always goes”…any slower I’ll turn into a turtle. And my ultimate favorite advice, “relationships are overrated”…really because last I heard that’s what leads to marriage.

I get it relationships can be complicated and it’s not always easy sailing. However, I’m not winning any type of prize by staying single. Both relationship statuses have their pros and cons. I personally would like, “sex on the reg”…and would exchange it any day for my singlehood. Dating is fun and exciting but it can also be depressing, annoying, lonely, boring and to top it off I get the luxury of meeting weirdos. And to prove it, here are the best creeper lines of 2014. I still have the rest of the year so stay tuned as I’m sure this list will get longer!!!

  • Send me some pics. I’m undecided about you
  • Under 5 ft is such a turn on for me. Good job
  • You are so adorable, I want to adopt you
  • I’m living in this area because of my parole. I have to live in a half way house because of illegal gun possession
  • It’s hard for a man, I don’t know what they can say to stand out and grasp our attention
  • I’m not a photographer but I can picture you and me together
  • Your sooooper cute. I want to cuddle you
  • Your crazy
  • I once kissed a girl and she said she got wet, damn
  • I don’t date
  • I don’t get dressed up on dates, if you want to do that go out with your girls
  • I don’t do dates, I only take a girlfriend out
  • I should confess, I have 3 kids
  • Your very pretty, but I’ve dated prettier
  • Oh that’s not my real name, I made it up
  • Do you watch porn
  • I’ve been single for like 10 years
  • You’re racist
  • Have you had a three some
  • What color are you everywhere
  • What’s your favorite toy
  • How about we go 50/50
  • You missed out, I could of taken you to Outback Steakhouse
  • My cats would love you
  • *Today I wished someone new and interesting, could we exchange numbers
  • *Physically. ..smelling nice hair, full lips, soft skin, firm breast, an ass to grab onto, not small not big either, smooth vag and yes a nice smelling vag that gets soaked and wet and doesn’t look like roast beef.
  • Read some others from Friday Night Adventure

*These have been shared from friends of mine, who also encounter winners!

Updated 5/12/14