Third Time Is A Bust

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I’m baffled by why some men will do all the “right” things to get a woman to go out on a date and yet they don’t see a serious relationship anywhere in their near future.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that one date will determine or lead to a serious relationship.  But why invest time in calling/texting, showing genuine interest, effort and money if the objective is to date only for fun and not have a serious goal in mind.  In the beginning dating should be fun for both parties, but I’m past that stage.   I’m not dating to have a good old time and I date so that eventually I meet someone I’m compatible with and could put and end to this vicious dating cycle.  In my experience some men that I’ve encountered, yes they do only want to score, others were juggling women and couldn’t decide what to do, had an ex lingering around that they weren’t ready to walk away from, had commitment issues and others were in the miscellaneous category because I don’t know what the hell was wrong with them.  I also choose to believe that not all men will go to the extremes just to get laid but maybe I’m wrong.  So I ask why are there so many men out there who don’t want relationships but just want to date the entire country?

Which brings me to mention this man that I met a month ago and went out on two dates.  The first date was normal everything seemed to be going according to plan, there were no blatant red flags, he was easy on the eyes and very respectful.  Throughout the entire night he acted a bit aloof and I concluded that he was not interested in pursuing me any further.  I can normally read men pretty easily because they tend to be verbally or physically able to show that they are interested.  But I couldn’t make heads or tails with this one.  So we hugged and said our good byes.  But to my surprise,  on the ride back home, I received texts that clearly said he had a great time, complimented me and shared his thoughts on how the date went and asked to see me again.  I was in shock that we both had mutual intentions.

Leading up to the second date, I started to pick up on some things, as I like to call them shady behaviors (that will be on another blog).  By nature I’m an analyzer and I pick up on small things but it’s my instinct and intuition that always drives it home for me.  Bottom line, his actions were not in sync with his spit game.  The second date rolls around after two weeks and now we are a bit more comfortable with each other.  I was excited and not thinking of any of the previous minor red flags.  I wanted to have fun and hoped that it would lead to date #3.  Once again date was on point;  laughter, chemistry and flow of conversation were all there.  Until I started to get distracted by his phone going off, him texting and stated that his friend was trying to reach him because he wanted to meet up with us.  Mmmmm, whattttt…why would you ask your friend to meet up with us after dinner, I started to smell a hint of B.S.  I didn’t verbally say what I was thinking as I’m sure he would dropped my ass home.   By this point I no longer had a buzz and I was starting to see the clear picture, “he’s not that into you”.   It was as if he was physically there but not really present.  We finished dinner and later headed to a bar for some additional drinks.   I was confused because I thought the date was over but I went along with it, I’m not a party pooper.  After an hour of being at the bar,  he bluntly said “I’m done with my drink”.  As if that was my signal to hurry up and finish my drink because he was ready to leave. I thought that was a bit rude but I took his lead and we left.  He pulled up to my place and I was annoyed and ready to make snarky remarks.   Yet before I could give him a piece of my mind, he began to say how he wanted to take me out again and how he had a great time blah blah blah.   I quickly replied, “so I’ll see you in  another two weeks” and he just giggled and disagreed.   I was tired and didn’t want to engage in small chat so I asked him to walk me in.  He stuttered and said to the door or to the front gate…..this is when I knew I didn’t pick the brightest bulb out of the bunch.

I didn’t hear from him for the next few days.  My gut feeling was telling me that he wasn’t focused because there was another female in the picture.  Again, it’s okay to do that but for the love of dating learn to juggle and be discreet about it.  Did he really think I was that dumb to think I wouldn’t catch on to his shenanigans?  Needless to say, I caught him in a lie that I did not overlook.   He did eventually reach out to me and I just responded with, “do you think I’m dumb”? Yes, I acknowledge that was a bit random and crazy but it was the truth.  I wanted to be sure that he understood I was not willing to play the same game.   And what do you know,  I haven’t heard from him ever since that last text.  Third time is not always a charm, in my case it was a bust!!!!  Through these experiences, I feel that some men may think because they are good at wining and dining that I will be naïve to everything else.  When the red flags are there, I will be on you like flies on shit and then walk away.  Please be up front and don’t wait to be told you are doing something wrong.  I’m no one to judge, I don’t see anything wrong with dating multiple people at the same time but don’t blatantly lie and get caught that’s just setting up the stage for a disaster.

Maybe I Was Delusional

A few years ago, I had given myself a peculiar goal and that was to be in a relationship.  I was already going on 3 years of being single and conversing with my dog was getting a little ridiculous.  I was trying to change my thinking process and be more positive.  I was finally ready to be in healthy relationship.  I knew that in a matter of time and by some mystical force my stallion would come stumbling into my life.   The year was flying by and I had not scored a damn thing.  I was dateless, bored and horny, but I wasn’t ready to give up.  I still had hope even though I was not being proactive and putting myself out there.  My life continued as it always did with work, gym, dog, family and friends…repeat.

The most exciting part of my monotonous life was when an old acquaintance that I had not seen or kept in contact in over 10 years suddenly resurfaced via a social media network. Like the rest of America, there were no other means of old school communication other than email. He had reached out once and simply invited me to a birthday party.  I declined but with it I sent my phone number.   I was intrigued by his random email and was silently chanting “date, drink, date, drink!!!!”  One random night I was out with a friend of mine at a local bar, without a care in the world we continued yapping and of course sipping on some cocktails.  The alcohol had now marinated and I was starting to feel it’s effects when I realized no one was buying us drinks, what a crock!  Suddenly, this old acquaintance popped into my head.  I don’t know if it was my drunk boldness that kicked into high gear or if I just wanted a free drink.  Regardless, I had not planned my next move and I just hit send on my phone. The text message  read, “hey what are you doing, if you aren’t busy come meet up with us”.  Later that night, he made his appearance.  There was no awkwardness, it was as if I had lunch with him a week ago.  After getting home at around 3 a.m., I remembered thinking I had so much fun with practically a stranger.  Although, there were no obvious signs that he was into me I  had a gut feeling that he would ask me out on a date.   A few days later, we went on our first date.  Finally my spell was broken.  Yesssss!!!!

One of my dating rituals is to never allow a man to pick me up at my place of residence, I always drive myself to the designated meeting location.  Oddly enough when he asked for my address I did not hesitate and provided it.  I was already being opened without really acknowledging it.  Initially, I had no reservations about him nor did I ask any questions about the date in order to avoid disappointment.  When we arrived at the restaurant, I knew this was no Outback Steak House with free refills kind of date. This was the real deal, anything but ordinary.  Conversation was flowing as if I had known him my entire life.  We discussed topics that would be off the wall to share on a first date but neither of us cared.  We were both smitten and had an instant connection.  I had never expected the night to go as well as it did.  I was the least to say pleasantly surprised, impressed and excited to see what was next.  The months to follow were consistent, his actions matched what he was declaring were his feelings.  We continued to have dates galore!

All seemed perfect which is why I internally started to question his intentions, was he really who he said he was?  I began to also question my feelings and began to feel like he was not being genuine as if there was something he didn’t want to disclose.  It made me weary and doubted if I wanted to be in a relationship with this man.  And so I asked myself, “I’ve waited all this time so why am I not jumping on the opportunity to alas have what I’ve been yearning for…my better half”.  I slapped myself out my analytical ways and decided to live a little and stop listening to my fears.  I put my big girl panties on and figured the worst that can happen is I get hurt, but in the meantime I was ready for us to be a happy powerful couple.  The relationship felt amazing, I felt as if I finally had found the male version of me.  We had so much in common and even our thinking process was alike.  I was proud to be his girlfriend and  I had nothing to hide about him or myself.  After so many years I felt like I was with someone who got me and adored me with all my flaws an all.   All the stereotypes of how a man is supposed to court a woman when you are initially dating were true.  If I had a checklist…I would be saying, check, check and check.

Sounded to good to be true…. and before I knew it the relationship was done, over, squashed, finito, no mas. Yes, I blinked and he decided to end it and wanted out.  First time in years, I did not see the breakup coming from any angle. I didn’t get a bad vibe or assumed the worst. I thought at least we would make it past half a year but boy was I wrong.  Although short lived, it had to be one of the best shortest relationships I’ve ever had.  Reality was that I barely knew him, I just knew what he pretended to be.  The same way he popped up into my life is the exact same way he left.  I definitely got bamboozled and should of listened to my intuition. However, I don’t regret ever bumping into him. He had a purpose. I found the old me prior to being jaded by unsuccessful relationships.   I realized that its okay to want to be treated like a queen because I deserved it and there are plenty of men who will treat their woman as so.   The good times will always be treasured and the experience will never be forgotten.  I will eternally be grateful for everything that I learned.

Crossed Paths