Maybe I Was Delusional

A few years ago, I had given myself a peculiar goal and that was to be in a relationship. I was already going on 3 years of being single and conversing with my dog was getting a little ridiculous. I was trying to change my thinking process and be more positive. I was finally ready to be in healthy relationship. I knew that in a matter of time and by some mystical force my stallion would come stumbling into my life. The year was flying by and I had not scored a damn thing. I was dateless, bored and horny, but I wasn’t ready to give up. I still had hope even though I was not being proactive and putting myself out there. My life continued as it always did with work, gym, dog, family and friends…repeat.

The most exciting part of my monotonous life was when an old acquaintance that I had not seen or kept in contact in over 10 years suddenly resurfaced via a social media network. Like the rest of America, there were no other means of old school communication other than email. He had reached out once and simply invited me to a birthday party. I declined but with it I sent my phone number. I was intrigued by his random email and was silently chanting “date, drink, date, drink!!!!” One random night I was out with a friend of mine at a local bar, without a care in the world we continued yapping and of course sipping on some cocktails. The alcohol had now marinated and I was starting to feel it’s effects when I realized no one was buying us drinks, what a crock! Suddenly, this old acquaintance popped into my head. I don’t know if it was my drunk boldness that kicked into high gear or if I just wanted a free drink. Regardless, I had not planned my next move and I just hit send on my phone. The text message read, “hey what are you doing, if you aren’t busy come meet up with us”. Later that night, he made his appearance. There was no awkwardness, it was as if I had lunch with him a week ago. After getting home at around 3 a.m., I remembered thinking I had so much fun with practically a stranger. Although, there were no obvious signs that he was into me I had a gut feeling that he would ask me out on a date. A few days later, we went on our first date. Finally my spell was broken. Yesssss!!!!

One of my dating rituals is to never allow a man to pick me up at my place of residence, I always drive myself to the designated meeting location. Oddly enough when he asked for my address I did not hesitate and provided it. I was already being opened without really acknowledging it. Initially, I had no reservations about him nor did I ask any questions about the date in order to avoid disappointment. When we arrived at the restaurant, I knew this was no Outback Steak House with free refills kind of date. This was the real deal, anything but ordinary. Conversation was flowing as if I had known him my entire life. We discussed topics that would be off the wall to share on a first date but neither of us cared. We were both smitten and had an instant connection. I had never expected the night to go as well as it did. I was the least to say pleasantly surprised, impressed and excited to see what was next. The months to follow were consistent, his actions matched what he was declaring were his feelings. We continued to have dates galore!

All seemed perfect which is why I internally started to question his intentions, was he really who he said he was? I began to also question my feelings and began to feel like he was not being genuine as if there was something he didn’t want to disclose. It made me weary and doubted if I wanted to be in a relationship with this man. And so I asked myself, “I’ve waited all this time so why am I not jumping on the opportunity to alas have what I’ve been yearning for…my better half”. I slapped myself out my analytical ways and decided to live a little and stop listening to my fears. I put my big girl panties on and figured the worst that can happen is I get hurt, but in the meantime I was ready for us to be a happy powerful couple. The relationship felt amazing, I felt as if I finally had found the male version of me. We had so much in common and even our thinking process was alike. I was proud to be his girlfriend and I had nothing to hide about him or myself. After so many years I felt like I was with someone who got me and adored me with all my flaws an all. All the stereotypes of how a man is supposed to court a woman when you are initially dating were true. If I had a checklist…I would be saying, check, check and check.

Sounded to good to be true…. and before I knew it the relationship was done, over, squashed, finito, no mas. Yes, I blinked and he decided to end it and wanted out. First time in years, I did not see the breakup coming from any angle. I didn’t get a bad vibe or assumed the worst. I thought at least we would make it past half a year but boy was I wrong. Although short lived, it had to be one of the best shortest relationships I’ve ever had. Reality was that I barely knew him, I just knew what he pretended to be. The same way he popped up into my life is the exact same way he left. I definitely got bamboozled and should of listened to my intuition. However, I don’t regret ever bumping into him. He had a purpose. I found the old me prior to being jaded by unsuccessful relationships. I realized that its okay to want to be treated like a queen because I deserved it and there are plenty of men who will treat their woman as so. The good times will always be treasured and the experience will never be forgotten. I will eternally be grateful for everything that I learned.


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