Third Time Is A Bust

I’m baffled by why some men will do all the “right” things to get a woman to go out on a date and yet they don’t see a serious relationship anywhere in their near future. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that one date will determine or lead to a serious relationship. But why invest time in calling/texting, showing genuine interest, effort and money if the objective is to date only for fun and not have a serious goal in mind. In the beginning dating should be fun for both parties, but I’m past that stage. I’m not dating to have a good old time and I date so that eventually I meet someone I’m compatible with and could put and end to this vicious dating cycle. In my experience some men that I’ve encountered, yes they do only want to score, others were juggling women and couldn’t decide what to do, had an ex lingering around that they weren’t ready to walk away from, had commitment issues and others were in the miscellaneous category because I don’t know what the hell was wrong with them. I also choose to believe that not all men will go to the extremes just to get laid but maybe I’m wrong. So I ask why are there so many men out there who don’t want relationships but just want to date the entire country?

Which brings me to mention this man that I met a month ago and went out on two dates. The first date was normal everything seemed to be going according to plan, there were no blatant red flags, he was easy on the eyes and very respectful. Throughout the entire night he acted a bit aloof and I concluded that he was not interested in pursuing me any further. I can normally read men pretty easily because they tend to be verbally or physically able to show that they are interested. But I couldn’t make heads or tails with this one. So we hugged and said our good byes. But to my surprise, on the ride back home, I received texts that clearly said he had a great time, complimented me and shared his thoughts on how the date went and asked to see me again. I was in shock that we both had mutual intentions.

Leading up to the second date, I started to pick up on some things, as I like to call them shady behaviors (that will be on another blog). By nature I’m an analyzer and I pick up on small things but it’s my instinct and intuition that always drives it home for me. Bottom line, his actions were not in sync with his spit game. The second date rolls around after two weeks and now we are a bit more comfortable with each other. I was excited and not thinking of any of the previous minor red flags. I wanted to have fun and hoped that it would lead to date #3. Once again date was on point; laughter, chemistry and flow of conversation were all there. Until I started to get distracted by his phone going off, him texting and stated that his friend was trying to reach him because he wanted to meet up with us. Mmmmm, whattttt…why would you ask your friend to meet up with us after dinner, I started to smell a hint of B.S. I didn’t verbally say what I was thinking as I’m sure he would dropped my ass home. By this point I no longer had a buzz and I was starting to see the clear picture, “he’s not that into you”. It was as if he was physically there but not really present. We finished dinner and later headed to a bar for some additional drinks. I was confused because I thought the date was over but I went along with it, I’m not a party pooper. After an hour of being at the bar, he bluntly said “I’m done with my drink”. As if that was my signal to hurry up and finish my drink because he was ready to leave. I thought that was a bit rude but I took his lead and we left. He pulled up to my place and I was annoyed and ready to make snarky remarks. Yet before I could give him a piece of my mind, he began to say how he wanted to take me out again and how he had a great time blah blah blah. I quickly replied, “so I’ll see you in another two weeks” and he just giggled and disagreed. I was tired and didn’t want to engage in small chat so I asked him to walk me in. He stuttered and said to the door or to the front gate…..this is when I knew I didn’t pick the brightest bulb out of the bunch.

I didn’t hear from him for the next few days. My gut feeling was telling me that he wasn’t focused because there was another female in the picture. Again, it’s okay to do that but for the love of dating learn to juggle and be discreet about it. Did he really think I was that dumb to think I wouldn’t catch on to his shenanigans? Needless to say, I caught him in a lie that I did not overlook. He did eventually reach out to me and I just responded with, “do you think I’m dumb”? Yes, I acknowledge that was a bit random and crazy but it was the truth. I wanted to be sure that he understood I was not willing to play the same game. And what do you know, I haven’t heard from him ever since that last text. Third time is not always a charm, in my case it was a bust!!!! Through these experiences, I feel that some men may think because they are good at wining and dining that I will be naïve to everything else. When the red flags are there, I will be on you like flies on shit and then walk away. Please be up front and don’t wait to be told you are doing something wrong. I’m no one to judge, I don’t see anything wrong with dating multiple people at the same time but don’t blatantly lie and get caught that’s just setting up the stage for a disaster.



  1. It’s great that you pay attention to red flags because they can say so much about a man! If more women relied on their gut instinct and intuition like you, there would be a lot less unnecessary relationships out there. Great post!!


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