The Past

In the world of dating, there are so many do’s and don’ts especially when it comes to divulging your past i.e. exes.  It’s one of the biggest “no, no rules” and should be followed to a T (so I’ve heard). There are several reasons why discussing an ex is a bad idea.  For example, you may lead the other person to believe that one is still attached to that previous relationship, there are pending unresolved issues, ex could be lingering, and lastly you get or you may prematurely judge based on some old stories.  Throughout the years, I’ve learned to bite my tongue and not discuss recent exes nor do I fish around for additional information.  I’ve made up my own guidelines in that I don’t mind discussing anything over 5 years old. I guess i feel like my old news is irrelevant but at same time it’s enough information to let the other person know that I can hold a relationship for more than a year and that I’m sane.  Don’t get me wrong, I do ask questions here and there and if the person is willing to discuss great, but if they are hesitant then I respect their privacy and drop the subject.

But what if bringing up a past relationship is the only key to getting a glimpse of what the other person is really like?  Isn’t it better to know sooner than later?  Granted, in my experience when i used to ask, I was lied to but at least I got a peace of mind knowing that I asked.  What if the person was hiding that they were still in contact with an ex, used to cheat, had anger issues or had even better had crazy fetishes?  Not all experiences with exes are negative, it could of been a learning experience that might be worth sharing.

I still don’t know the answer, should it be inquired or left in the past? Is it okay to dig a little bit to unveil any potential red flags?  Is it worth the risk knowing/judging before you truly get to know the person?  Or is it better to go in blindly and let the truth reveal itself later.  I have realized the truth does always surface but at times too late and that’s when I say to myself, “damn it I wished I would of interrogated his a**”.  I’m still debating what I should do in the future!

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I’ve Been Drinking!!!

Like my favorite entertainer Beyonce, says, “I’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking”. I’ve sang these lyrics on several good and bad occasions. I don’t always drink but when I do it’s wine or kettle club, either one will do the trick. When I’m out to dinner or just out for drinks with great company I will not hold back from having a cocktail or two, well okay three. The night flies by with flowing conversation, laughter, or dancing with my favorite girls making memorable times. Then it’s that time of the night where we have to say our good nights.

I arrive home and my dog greets me with her ever so loyal and unconditional love. I’m dehydrated , tired and hit the sack like a ton of bricks. While I’m laying in bed, the room is spinning and I start singing in my head, “I’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking”. Suddenly my hand reaches for my phone and my fingers take over, before I know it I’m texting someone I shouldn’t be. Technology is the devil in disguise. Slowly, I’m slurring my texts but I have some logic left because I’m telling myself, “he isnt going to reply, estupida”. And I coax myself to go to sleep….and right as I’m nodding off. I get a response back and all of sudden I’m awake and giddy. I think, here is my chance to spill my guts and blame it on the a-a-al-alcohol. However, I must not be that intoxicated because I’m able to hold back my true feelings for just the right amount time. But eventually after exchanging a few messages back and forth I get to the nitty gritty. I spill how I’m truely feeling. I’ve been injected with the truth serum. I miss you, why, come over blah blah.

Next morning, I look at my phone and want to slap myself for the nonsense I’ve said or even worse, I look next to me and say what the fuck is wrong with me because there is an extra body laying next to me…and it’s not my dog. There is a plus one that was not accounted for. Clearly, I had a fantastic night but for the wrong reasons. This man that I was once in a relationship with is not there for the right reasons. If he was, then he wouldn’t be my ex. He kisses me good bye and the guilt starts to set in. I’m not happy with my actions and I’m very hard on myself for making a bad decision. I know it takes two but I initiated it so I take full responsibility.

Many might be reading this whether your a man or woman and thinking “damn I’ve been there and done that”. And your giggling or crying because you know the night didn’t end the way you wanted it to (or it’s exactly what you wanted). Subconsciously I wanted the night to have a fairytale ending. I wanted my knight and shinning armor to tell me all the things that I wanted to hear. I wanted him to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and cuddle with me all night. Tell me how sorry he was and how he would do anything to make things work.

Well…we all know that’s a damn fantasy. This is not how the night or the next day ends. He leaves and all you have left is a bit of dignity and your own thoughts. I’ve learned the hard way, you can’t expect something positive to result from a night of drunk texting especially if you still care about the person. The only one who it’s going to affect is me, myself, and I. He will still and only be a distant memory of what it used to be. So for your sake and mine, please drink so much that you can’t find your phone or locate the charger because it’s about to die. Because that’s actually the better turn out.