In the world of dating, there are so many do’s and don’ts especially when it comes to divulging your past i.e. exes. It’s one of the biggest “no, no rules” and should be followed to a T (so I’ve heard). There are several reasons why discussing an ex is a bad idea. For example, you may lead the other person to believe that one is still attached to that previous relationship, there are pending unresolved issues, ex could be lingering, and lastly you get or you may prematurely judge based on some old stories. Throughout the years, I’ve learned to bite my tongue and not discuss recent exes nor do I fish around for additional information. I’ve made up my own guidelines in that I don’t mind discussing anything over 5 years old. I guess i feel like my old news is irrelevant but at same time it’s enough information to let the other person know that I can hold a relationship for more than a year and that I’m sane. Don’t get me wrong, I do ask questions here and there and if the person is willing to discuss great, but if they are hesitant then I respect their privacy and drop the subject.
But what if bringing up a past relationship is the only key to getting a glimpse of what the other person is really like? Isn’t it better to know sooner than later? Granted, in my experience when i used to ask, I was lied to but at least I got a peace of mind knowing that I asked. What if the person was hiding that they were still in contact with an ex, used to cheat, had anger issues or had even better had crazy fetishes? Not all experiences with exes are negative, it could of been a learning experience that might be worth sharing.
I still don’t know the answer, should it be inquired or left in the past? Is it okay to dig a little bit to unveil any potential red flags? Is it worth the risk knowing/judging before you truly get to know the person? Or is it better to go in blindly and let the truth reveal itself later. I have realized the truth does always surface but at times too late and that’s when I say to myself, “damn it I wished I would of interrogated his a**”. I’m still debating what I should do in the future!